A Surviving Young Adult's Rants and Raves.

Posts tagged ‘dating’

Dating Notes From a Pissed off Woman!

Okay, So I have to admit I’ve had my share of dating disasters. I was reading some of my pseudo-journals and I came across an entry that totally made me LOL. It was about an experience I had with a certain guy that totally riled me up. But that is not the best part; while I was noticing the energy behind the scrolls and scribbles that clearly said “I am extremely frustrated while writing this” I realized the thing actually made sense! I couldn’t believe I wrote something like it…but hey, you do know what they say; Art imitates Life; and boy do I call this a PIECE OF ART!

There is a new breed of man in my world; and I think I shall call him “The Asshole In Disguise.” It’s the perfect title; the way he hides beneath a “nice guy” facade is incredibly impressive. His sporadic sweetness and thoughtfulness are his method of acquisition. His mysterious aura and aloof manner are his means of keeping women at arm’s length. As I sit and ponder about everything that has happened since the day I met him; I wonder: Which is worse, the obvious “I’m a jerk guy” or the subtle one? I believe it’s the latter. Compared to the last guy I dated, this one takes the prize. At least the previous one was “out there” and is quite aware of what he is. He’s upfront and pathetically predictable. Although he still tried to drop a few loads of crap here and there, he was easy to manage. I was pretty confident about labeling him as worthless and lacking substance. This recent spawn of male hybrid is the most frustrating. He doesn’t really do anything major enough to make you hate him. All he does are little insensitive, harsh gestures that leave me upset; but not enough to make me drop him. Then, he comes around doing a little of this and that, and poof…Hello again. They say shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice. OK, I guess that makes me a very shameful person, but here’s the thing; fucking cut off my head if he ever fools me the third time!

How many of these rotten men are there? I thought that if I were to classify them; the labels would probably include: losers, assholes, players, perverts, creeps, dirty old men, afraid-of-commitment guys, workaholics, and then…nice, decent guys! But I have realized that there’s a whole new category for this particular guy I dated. Isn’t it enough that I have lost hope in the male populace? That Mr. Big or Mr. Right might not exist? Now, I have to be wary of the “great-at-first-wait-till-later” men? I guess I only have myself to blame for believing he was any different from the habit I seem to find myself unable to break away from. Why do I attract the wrong men? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says “If we are not compatible, I’d fall for you?” Is it my taste or the fact that I like a guy too fast? Is there a standard rate for liking someone? Maybe I should drop the whole spontaneous spark and impulsive “I like you, let’s do this!” act. Because so far, It really hasn’t done me any good.

On the brighter side, I have a few reminders to add to my DATING NOTES.

First, they are great guys until they finally get what they’ve wanted from the beginning. I think it is genetically engineered in guys to be sadly superficial and instinctive. If I was a harsh woman I’d say they are no more than animals who follow their urges and refuse to confront logic and rationality when it comes to women or specifically…getting laid; but I’m not, so I will stick to men are just simpletons.

Second would be to dump the guy the second you realize he is a bad liar. Why? Well, if he was a good liar then you wouldn’t be able to sniff him out would you? In this case, you’ll just have to rely on your guts. If he was bad at lying, then it’s a whole different story. He is actually stupid enough to attempt giving you bullshit and then fail miserably; no he is not adorable that way. Not only does it reflect his shady character and poor mental capacity, it’s also, in some way insulting. I mean, does he really think you are so dense that you won’t be able to figure it out? Think about it and then tell me if you really are THAT stupid.

Third, If he has a lot of excuses, then go figure! I’ve always noticed that when a guy wants something from me; he’d be the sweetest, most accommodating, agreeable man in the world. But if you want something from him or if you just need attention, he’s suddenly too busy or he’s currently engaged in some important business matter. PLEASE! L-a-m-e! But shoot me now. I was too caught up to pause for a moment and digest that certain information.

Drop a guy who can’t say something straight. I hate beating around the bush! If he’s concerned about my feelings; Fuck my feelings dude, give me straight answers! I’m not  a child who’ll sulk and throw a fit if you tell me something I might not want to hear. And if he is doing it to play safe; store you on some shelf for when he needs you next, then girl, you better kick that boy’s ass straight to Pluto.

I am nobody’s toy so don’t play with me. I do things because I want to and nothing else. Never allow a man to think that he has you wrapped around his fingers. This is the new age! It’s the age of independent women. If having a man means you have to swallow your pride to make men feel better about themselves then who needs them? If he’s not the one feeding me; putting a roof above my head; buying my clothes, shoes, or whatever I want then what purpose does he serve? The new mindset is: USE HIM. In this world we live in; a girl desperately looking for love is naive and most-probably a soon-to-be broken hearted girl. Be practical. Think with your head and not with your heart; there’s a reason why it’s on top of the other. Sure love stories are all around us, but who would really know the real score? What counts are the experiences that you’ve had, the lessons you learned and how you apply those lessons in life. Don’t be the girl who keeps falling flat on her face.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re alone. It just means you’re not settling. You don’t need to force yourself to be in a relationship just to fill the emptiness when you go home at night and find that no one texts you good night, or wake up in the morning without anyone to kiss you good morning. You can’t feel sorry for yourself if no one special is constantly thinking about you. You don’t have to frustrate yourself with profiles of couples having their combined names at Facebook or that ever famous relationship status update that shouts: In a relationship with. These are not the reasons why you should be with someone. These are all shallow human wants and not needs. it’s society’s way of plaguing you with insignificant and unnecessary pressures.

Commitment is a big deal. So, don’t be surprised that everyone is terrified to be in one. It’s not like High School or college where you can be with someone just because…It’s the real world, haven’t you noticed? In the real world, you need to think before you feel. If you feel too much then you’ll end up being squashed and smashed into little pieces. Hold yourself together. You can never, ever be completely alone. You have friends, family, and you got yourself! Live for yourself and not for anybody else. Once you figure that out, getting over a date-gone-wrong will be easy as pie. Just like what my friend told me: “Dust him off and move on to the next one.” He might not be there tomorrow or the week after or the month after that. But hey, who’s in a hurry? You are a young woman, living your life to the fullest. How can you live if you are wallowing in your own misery? What’s the point? Let’s celebrate life…single life. It’s beautiful and free. And when you’re done with that, you can truly appreciate the moment you are with someone. You’ve played the games, you’ve put up with the chase. You have to think this way…it’s self preservation. So, as 2009 comes to an end; open your arms wide and welcome a new year; one that is brighter and more vibrant! Do this and you will definitely be alright.

The New Wave of Getting to Know Someone: Will It Lead to a Steamy Relationship or Just a Cold Splash?

Love. OR Love?

Gone are the days when people used a pen and paper to send letters of endearment and profess their undying feelings. In this generation, technology has made a huge contribution to the evolution of dating. But has it brought positive outcomes or has this convenience caused even more friction to the already complicated challenge of finding love? Is technology a fast way to find the right person, or is it a fast way to lose them?

In this day and age, the stages of a relationship begin with text messaging and chatting. Whether they are in long distance relationships or in the same city; they find it easy to keep in touch even if they are not physically together. For some, it allows a deeper level of connection, while for others it’s simply a precaution from getting too attached. The reality is that not only is technology being utilized by those that are left with no choice; it’s also beginning to catch the attention of some women who have reached dating-limbo. As what my friend told me and I quote:

When I see men out there in the real world, they no longer pleasure my authentic dating senses.

Interpersonal relationships revolve around interaction, thus, it is obvious to say that it leads to a certain level of attachment. Usually, as women, we are prone to this tendency and no matter how hard we try, we can’t help but get emotional or down-right paranoid.  That’s probably why one of my interviewees expressed :

It’s better this way. I feel calm. I’m in control.

Perhaps that could be one of the reasons why it’s so appealing. We all have that unconscious need to be in control. When chatting or text messaging, you are allowed ample time to think about what to say or how to respond, you can type and re-type messages, and the fact that you are not physically together makes it easier to hide certain things you feel you’re not ready to share with that person; and that would lead us to question how much of it is really true? Can we really trust our impression of their personality through something quite impersonal? One of the people I interviewed shares his experience:

I met my girlfriend through her cousin. She lives 500 miles away so we talked using Facebook, Yahoo, and sending text messages to each other. I got to know her through that and we’ve been together for almost a year. When you’re far away, you can actually ask them and tell them things that will normally be harder to say if you were talking to them in person. We got the physical stuff out of the way and we connected deeply because of it. I can be totally honest with her and vice versa. There’s a risk though, of them pretending to be someone they’re not. You won’t know if they’re fronting. People want to impress you so they pretend to be someone they’re not. But then there’s always that kind of risk when dating. The truth will eventually come out once you meet.

Most people rely on technology because of distance. In most cases, they work harder than regular couples. The effort is multiplied tenfolds. But considering the positive results mentioned above, do you think it could apply to other cases too? If some made it through; why can’t others?

One big factor on why meeting someone new is exhausting is the awkwardness. It has always been part of the dating process. Whether you are attracted to the person or not, a certain level of discomfort would always be present the first few times you meet. It could be because you’re too conscious or you don’t know enough about the person to say the right things.  One of my interviewees shares his idea on this subject:

It’s all about proximity. If she’s nearby, I would only put up with it so long, unless I never intended to meet her in person. I don’t believe that she just wants to make it less awkward by getting to know me first. She’s stalling. If someone is really interested with someone else; they want to meet in person unless they are far away from each other. The real question is what’s the point? If the point is to meet someone who you will eventually meet in person, then get to that ASAP. If the point is just to talk then let it go.  Meeting someone new can be awkward, it’s always that way.

He got me thinking: What is the big deal about being awkward on the first few dates? It is pretty normal. If everything went smoothly since the beginning I’d probably be thinking it’s too good to be true, and I have to say, usually it is. Dating and relationships are ugly. That’s one thing I learned from watching The Ugly Truth and of course my own experiences. There’s no such thing as Love at first sight or we just clicked and the rest is history. Every Love story has it’s dirt. The things that you have to do to find that one person who is just right for you won’t always be a walk in the park. Sure it’s sweet to watch Romantic movies and suddenly have that need to have your own sweet story to tell; but this is the real world and you need to deal with real issues and face it like a rational being.

Thinking twice was never my best friend. I’ve always been impulsive by nature. I have to admit that technology has done so many things for my dating life. Some were good, bad, and others were just too damn ugly to even recall. I have to agree that having alternatives to the usual dinner/movie/cafe/bar date is nice. It’s something fresh and safe in every sense. But don’t forget to use your head. Be aware of facts and don’t get too apprehensive. Emotions could sometimes be our enemy. It robs us of our wits and we end up doing the most stupid things. It wouldn’t hurt to be open about new ways to find Love. If you feel like giving up already just think: Do you want to spend the rest of your life regretting that you never gave your all in search of your “Soul-mate?” or constantly asking what if? It’s time to be proactive. If technology presents an opportunity then take it! Let me just remind you that you have to know what you are getting yourself into. Be in control of the situation rather than being controlled by it.

New age, new ways of doing things. Whether it’s a good or bad idea it really is your choice. When you are about to take a seat from the buzz of the dating world or you are just getting started. Just be aware of what’s going on around you. It’s not like it used to be. Even though, deep inside we still want those sweet handwritten letters sent to us with a single flower or a serenade by the window; we cannot remain in the past. The world is moving forward and so is everything else. The only armor you could possibly carry is your sense of right and wrong and your knowledge about what you really want, what makes you happy. With those things in my mind, technology or not, you will be fine.

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