A Surviving Young Adult's Rants and Raves.

Posts tagged ‘internet love’

10 Ways to Make a Long Distance Relationship work

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When I was younger I thought I could never, ever be in a long-distance relationship. I always thought it was pointless, doomed, dead on arrival. Maybe because I didn’t know if I was capable of trusting someone to that extent, or I felt that I needed my partner to be physically present most, if not all the time. I’m sure  I had several different reasons to point out back then; however, I guess I should tip my hat off to those that said:

You won’t know until you meet the right person;

because you really wont! Now, I am officially an LDR chic. I can’t say it’s peaches and cream; it takes a lot of sacrifice and effort for both parties. At times, you will arrive at a few breaking points. It will be tough. You will cry your eyes out and you might want to give up. But when you come out of it alive and still holding on, it will make you and the relationship stronger. You just might have built a fortress of a foundation for your relationship. If you are just like me and you have questioned yourself:

How long can I keep doing this?  Will this last?

Then I suggest you read on. There are different ways to make it work and last. These are the top 10 I have come up with based on research and of course my own experiences.

  • Keep in touch daily.

Communication is important in any kind of relationship. Most people say it is the key to making it work. I definitely agree! For LDRs, it’s very…I repeat, very important that you keep in touch every day. Not once a week, three-times a week, or every other day. I mean every single day. You don’t have to talk for hours, or every minute; that’s not practical. In fact, that might become a nuisance rather than a therapy. Just make sure you make an effort to talk to one another at some point of your day. This allows you to be up to date with what both of you are doing and it will give both of you a sense that even though you are apart, you are still aware of each other’s activities and relative presence.

  • Keep your partner informed about your life.

Share information about your activities. This is a good conversation starter especially at the end of the day when you are both at home. You can talk about how good or bad your day went. This will also make yourselves aware of the new people, places, or events around your partner. Don’t forget that it’s not just about you. Even if you would like to vent, learn to listen because both of you are important.

  • Listen to your partner’s concerns and communicate your own.

When things get a little complicated because of a fight or a misunderstanding, it’s hard enough for couples who are living in the same city; how much more for those that are miles apart? Your only options are talking on the phone or online; unless you are lucky enough to book a flight straight to your partner’s place. Anyway, the point is, it is a million times harder to settle conflicts in LDRs. So you need to adjust and train yourself to express yourself as well as to listen. This is NOT easy. Especially when emotions are at their peak. So it will also help that you allow yourself some time to calm down and think things through before talking it out. This way, you are both sane enough to talk without wanting to choke each other.

  • Keep the relationship a high priority.

It is very important that both of you are keeping the relationship a high priority because if you don’t, things might get out of hand; one or both of you might feel too relaxed and used to the situation that you forget to compensate for the distance. Avoid cancelling reunions or putting off a phone call. Focus on what needs to be done and take note of the little details.

  • Focus on the future.

Make plans to live in the same city eventually. This will verify that you’re moving forward and growing together and that all the efforts done were not a waste, but instead, stepping stones toward a future together.

  • Trust in one another.

Suspicions will only pull the relationship down. It is absolutely necessary to be honest and open-minded. If you have any reason to feel uncomfortable or suspicious, open up about it and don’t rush into conclusions. Remember, communication is the key to every relationship.

  • Avoid being controlling.

Sometimes, when we find ourselves insecure or conscious about the relationship we tend to control it. Lack of trust can also lead to this. Try to keep in mind that one of the advantages of being in a long distance relationship is the space you have for yourself. Use this to achieve your goals and plans in life. See your friends, have fun, live your life. Your life does not revolve around your partner alone. This will reduce the tendency of suffocating each other.

  • Have a healthy sense of humor.

LDR or not a healthy sense of humor is a healthy habit. Being able to laugh about anything or at each other’s silliness is a character of an open, accepting relationship. Don’t hesitate to laugh about petty arguments or silly mistakes. You will find that you will feel better.

  • Stay Positive.

Instead of thinking about the worst case scenario, think positive. Even if you are miles apart you are still looking at the same sky and breathing the same air. Nothing is impossible. So cheer up will ya!

  • Patience

Patience is a virtue. When you know that the person is worth the wait then it becomes easier to do. When you have a thriving relationship with your partner, sometimes, time simply flies. So don’t lose hope and think twice about giving up. Good things happen to those who wait.

The New Wave of Getting to Know Someone: Will It Lead to a Steamy Relationship or Just a Cold Splash?

Love. OR Love?

Gone are the days when people used a pen and paper to send letters of endearment and profess their undying feelings. In this generation, technology has made a huge contribution to the evolution of dating. But has it brought positive outcomes or has this convenience caused even more friction to the already complicated challenge of finding love? Is technology a fast way to find the right person, or is it a fast way to lose them?

In this day and age, the stages of a relationship begin with text messaging and chatting. Whether they are in long distance relationships or in the same city; they find it easy to keep in touch even if they are not physically together. For some, it allows a deeper level of connection, while for others it’s simply a precaution from getting too attached. The reality is that not only is technology being utilized by those that are left with no choice; it’s also beginning to catch the attention of some women who have reached dating-limbo. As what my friend told me and I quote:

When I see men out there in the real world, they no longer pleasure my authentic dating senses.

Interpersonal relationships revolve around interaction, thus, it is obvious to say that it leads to a certain level of attachment. Usually, as women, we are prone to this tendency and no matter how hard we try, we can’t help but get emotional or down-right paranoid.  That’s probably why one of my interviewees expressed :

It’s better this way. I feel calm. I’m in control.

Perhaps that could be one of the reasons why it’s so appealing. We all have that unconscious need to be in control. When chatting or text messaging, you are allowed ample time to think about what to say or how to respond, you can type and re-type messages, and the fact that you are not physically together makes it easier to hide certain things you feel you’re not ready to share with that person; and that would lead us to question how much of it is really true? Can we really trust our impression of their personality through something quite impersonal? One of the people I interviewed shares his experience:

I met my girlfriend through her cousin. She lives 500 miles away so we talked using Facebook, Yahoo, and sending text messages to each other. I got to know her through that and we’ve been together for almost a year. When you’re far away, you can actually ask them and tell them things that will normally be harder to say if you were talking to them in person. We got the physical stuff out of the way and we connected deeply because of it. I can be totally honest with her and vice versa. There’s a risk though, of them pretending to be someone they’re not. You won’t know if they’re fronting. People want to impress you so they pretend to be someone they’re not. But then there’s always that kind of risk when dating. The truth will eventually come out once you meet.

Most people rely on technology because of distance. In most cases, they work harder than regular couples. The effort is multiplied tenfolds. But considering the positive results mentioned above, do you think it could apply to other cases too? If some made it through; why can’t others?

One big factor on why meeting someone new is exhausting is the awkwardness. It has always been part of the dating process. Whether you are attracted to the person or not, a certain level of discomfort would always be present the first few times you meet. It could be because you’re too conscious or you don’t know enough about the person to say the right things.  One of my interviewees shares his idea on this subject:

It’s all about proximity. If she’s nearby, I would only put up with it so long, unless I never intended to meet her in person. I don’t believe that she just wants to make it less awkward by getting to know me first. She’s stalling. If someone is really interested with someone else; they want to meet in person unless they are far away from each other. The real question is what’s the point? If the point is to meet someone who you will eventually meet in person, then get to that ASAP. If the point is just to talk then let it go.  Meeting someone new can be awkward, it’s always that way.

He got me thinking: What is the big deal about being awkward on the first few dates? It is pretty normal. If everything went smoothly since the beginning I’d probably be thinking it’s too good to be true, and I have to say, usually it is. Dating and relationships are ugly. That’s one thing I learned from watching The Ugly Truth and of course my own experiences. There’s no such thing as Love at first sight or we just clicked and the rest is history. Every Love story has it’s dirt. The things that you have to do to find that one person who is just right for you won’t always be a walk in the park. Sure it’s sweet to watch Romantic movies and suddenly have that need to have your own sweet story to tell; but this is the real world and you need to deal with real issues and face it like a rational being.

Thinking twice was never my best friend. I’ve always been impulsive by nature. I have to admit that technology has done so many things for my dating life. Some were good, bad, and others were just too damn ugly to even recall. I have to agree that having alternatives to the usual dinner/movie/cafe/bar date is nice. It’s something fresh and safe in every sense. But don’t forget to use your head. Be aware of facts and don’t get too apprehensive. Emotions could sometimes be our enemy. It robs us of our wits and we end up doing the most stupid things. It wouldn’t hurt to be open about new ways to find Love. If you feel like giving up already just think: Do you want to spend the rest of your life regretting that you never gave your all in search of your “Soul-mate?” or constantly asking what if? It’s time to be proactive. If technology presents an opportunity then take it! Let me just remind you that you have to know what you are getting yourself into. Be in control of the situation rather than being controlled by it.

New age, new ways of doing things. Whether it’s a good or bad idea it really is your choice. When you are about to take a seat from the buzz of the dating world or you are just getting started. Just be aware of what’s going on around you. It’s not like it used to be. Even though, deep inside we still want those sweet handwritten letters sent to us with a single flower or a serenade by the window; we cannot remain in the past. The world is moving forward and so is everything else. The only armor you could possibly carry is your sense of right and wrong and your knowledge about what you really want, what makes you happy. With those things in my mind, technology or not, you will be fine.

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