Most of us, if not all, yearn for a love story. The kind you can narrate to your children and grandchildren. We want it to be extraordinary, fairytale-like with that coveted happily ever after. There are a variety of them; some vivid, oftentimes disastrous, and a few, tragic. Most people have colorful stories; they make you laugh, or make your jaws drop, and at times, leave you utterly speechless. There are stories that you thought could never happen, like Internet love. Recently, I heard of Facebook Love through its applications such as Meet New People and Pet Society. Ask yourself: 20 years ago, did it ever cross your mind that you’d one day tell your children that an online social networking site brought you and the love of your life together? Hell no. But it is happening. It’s real. Anything is possible!
I often wonder what kind my story would be. A few weeks ago, out of nowhere, I began to think about the flipped pages in my book called Life, chapter: Love and slowly recounted the boys, guys, and men I have met. Truth be told, I ended up smacking myself in the head! I guess there is no better way to put it. I apologize if I fail to use any Thespian way of presenting this fact. It’s just that I could not believe the kind of male species I have encountered. I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our I-can’t-believe-I-dated-him guys but it’s almost always too difficult for us to utter or even think about. What was I thinking? What did I see in him? Did I really cry for him? I did that?! He dumped me?! These are only few of the questions we tend to ask ourselves when we take a stroll down memory lane; and I can only tell you one thing: You were young, naïve, and hormonal! That’s what I do anyway. There is no better rationalization for it than that. End of story. NOT.
Do you know a couple, or do you have a friend who has the most amazing, sweetest love story; A story worth making a short film or book about? I have a few, and I often wondered what makes them so special. I often asked why it never happened to me. Why can’t I have a sweet, unbelievably cheesy story like they do? The more I moped around about it, the more I tried too hard to have it. Thus, I basically increased the rate of me-meeting-assholes to about 70 %. Oh the irony, I must say! Life itself has its way of teasing you. And so, little ‘ol me went through that phase for the span of my late teenage to early adulthood years. My baggage piled up…I could not seem to leave them behind. I was afraid that if I did, I’d pick up the same old baggage again, or worse, trip over them a few times. My Love life was, therefore, a giant mess.
But then, I remembered that with every fling that went down the drain, date gone wrong, potential he’s-the-one that somehow vanished, or relationship that broke my heart, I came out stronger, wiser, and a lot more aware of what I wanted. That is because I was actually conscious enough to put two and two together. When I met a player, I made a list of all the signs. When I dated a drifter, I realized I required someone who knew what he wanted. When I had the unfortunate luck of getting attached to a bad ass, I learned to stay away from them. When I conversed with physically attractive guys I resolved to never even bother next time. When I was with someone who was afraid of commitments, I realized how much I actually wanted to be committed. When I made myself believe I found a decent, nice guy who told me things I wanted to hear, I said to myself…NEVER believe everything a guy says! And I told myself that if it feels fishy, it really, really is. When I dated a few guys at the same time, I realized how naturally monogamous I was. When I got my heart broken by someone I truly, deeply loved, I accepted the fact that sometimes, Love is not enough.
If your story isn’t going so well, maybe it’s time for you to pause and look at it from outside the box. I know that when we are caught up in our own whirlwind, sometimes, we fail to see what others do. We continue to ride the unending rollercoaster of dysfunctional relationships. If he cheated on you once, twice, three or four times; I think the universe wants to tell you something important…YOU NEED TO DUMP THE JERK! If you are in a physically abusive relationship, you need to snap out of the “Beaten wife Syndrome” You are not loved! You are being used and abused! If you feel like the relationship is not going anywhere, perhaps, it isn’t! If you feel like you keep giving, and he keeps taking, you have to remember that you have to love yourself first before others are able to love you. If he made you a fool before, he will do it again, and again, and again. So what if you have been together for five years? Five years should have taught him how to make you happy and the relationship work, right? So what if he has given you a hundred roses for every time he hurt you. Is he even supposed to hurt you a hundred times if he really loves you? So what if he still runs back to you after he played around with other girls? It doesn’t mean he realized you’re the one. It could mean you’re the only one willing to have him. So what if he calls you “The Mrs.” Or his wife, why isn’t he proposing? So what if you have the most amazing prologue to your story? What is an amazing prologue when it has a cliffhanger for an ending? It doesn’t matter if your friends think you are the most amazing couple, or the fairytale come true couple…it doesn’t matter…when you are not happy. They do not know what you know. They do not feel what you feel.
There are so many lessons and realizations…and so much time to take them all in. See? Time is not our enemy in the chapter of love. It could have sub-chapters and sub-chapter-chapters. (if there is such a thing) The important thing is that we have to be awake! We need to be smart enough, reasonable enough to understand that challenges do not exist to break us. Instead, they exist to teach us. I have wrestled with so many ugly challenges in my life when it comes to love. Sometimes I rise victorious, at times it’s a draw, and there are times when I break down and let it beat me up. But despite all that, I know I’m always the winner because my heart and mind continues to run and jump and fly. And after everything has been said, I finally have a story to tell. It isn’t special. It isn’t a fairytale. It won’t leave you speechless. It’s not tragic, jaw-dropping, or utterly mind-blowing, but it’s mine. He is mine. He is everything I learned I wanted. This is the kind of story I would rather keep for myself… my own little secret.
I hope that when you read this, you will see triumph in failures, success in disappointments. Take it all in and always look on the brighter side. Learn, learn, learn! Create your own story from what you have learned. Don’t be passive, you have to start taking charge! Tell yourself that someday, somehow, you will find that story for your grand-kids. It could be the most boring one! But it is YOURS. And they will like it because it’s real.