A Surviving Young Adult's Rants and Raves.

Posts tagged ‘love’

Love Story

Most of us, if not all, yearn for a love story. The kind you can narrate to your children and grandchildren. We want it to be extraordinary, fairytale-like with that coveted happily ever after. There are a variety of them; some vivid, oftentimes disastrous, and a few, tragic. Most people have colorful stories; they make you laugh, or make your jaws drop, and at times, leave you utterly speechless. There are stories that you thought could never happen, like Internet love. Recently, I heard of Facebook Love through its applications such as Meet New People and Pet Society. Ask yourself: 20 years ago, did it ever cross your mind that you’d one day tell your children that an online social networking site brought you and the love of your life together? Hell no. But it is happening. It’s real. Anything is possible!

I often wonder what kind my story would be. A few weeks ago, out of nowhere, I began to think about the flipped pages in my book called Life, chapter: Love and slowly recounted the boys, guys, and men I have met. Truth be told, I ended up smacking myself in the head! I guess there is no better way to put it. I apologize if I fail to use any Thespian way of presenting this fact. It’s just that I could not believe the kind of male species I have encountered. I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our I-can’t-believe-I-dated-him guys but it’s almost always too difficult for us to utter or even think about. What was I thinking? What did I see in him? Did I really cry for him? I did that?! He dumped me?! These are only few of the questions we tend to ask ourselves when we take a stroll down memory lane; and I can only tell you one thing: You were young, naïve, and hormonal! That’s what I do anyway. There is no better rationalization for it than that.  End of story. NOT.

Do you know a couple, or do you have a friend who has the most amazing, sweetest love story; A story worth making a short film or book about? I have a few, and I often wondered what makes them so special. I often asked why it never happened to me. Why can’t I have a sweet, unbelievably cheesy story like they do? The more I moped around about it, the more I tried too hard to have it. Thus, I basically increased the rate of me-meeting-assholes to about 70 %. Oh the irony, I must say! Life itself has its way of teasing you. And so, little ‘ol me went through that phase for the span of my late teenage to early adulthood years.  My baggage piled up…I could not seem to leave them behind. I was afraid that if I did, I’d pick up the same old baggage again, or worse, trip over them a few times. My Love life was, therefore, a giant mess.

But then, I remembered that with every fling that went down the drain, date gone wrong, potential he’s-the-one that somehow vanished, or relationship that broke my heart, I came out stronger, wiser, and a lot more aware of what I wanted. That is because I was actually conscious enough to put two and two together. When I met a player, I made a list of all the signs. When I dated a drifter, I realized I required someone who knew what he wanted. When I had the unfortunate luck of getting attached to a bad ass, I learned to stay away from them. When I conversed with physically attractive guys I resolved to never even bother next time. When I was with someone who was afraid of commitments, I realized how much I actually wanted to be committed. When I made myself believe I found a decent, nice guy who told me things I wanted to hear, I said to myself…NEVER believe everything a guy says! And I told myself that if it feels fishy, it really, really is. When I dated a few guys at the same time, I realized how naturally monogamous I was. When I got my heart broken by someone I truly, deeply loved, I accepted the fact that sometimes, Love is not enough.

If your story isn’t going so well, maybe it’s time for you to pause and look at it from outside the box. I know that when we are caught up in our own whirlwind, sometimes, we fail to see what others do. We continue to ride the unending rollercoaster of dysfunctional relationships. If he cheated on you once, twice, three or four times; I think the universe wants to tell you something important…YOU NEED TO DUMP THE JERK! If you are in a physically abusive relationship, you need to snap out of the “Beaten wife Syndrome” You are not loved! You are being used and abused! If you feel like the relationship is not going anywhere, perhaps, it isn’t! If you feel like you keep giving, and he keeps taking, you have to remember that you have to love yourself first before others are able to love you. If he made you a fool before, he will do it again, and again, and again. So what if you have been together for five years? Five years should have taught him how to make you happy and the relationship work, right? So what if he has given you a hundred roses for every time he hurt you. Is he even supposed to hurt you a hundred times if he really loves you? So what if he still runs back to you after he played around with other girls? It doesn’t mean he realized you’re the one. It could mean you’re the only one willing to have him. So what if he calls you “The Mrs.” Or his wife, why isn’t he proposing? So what if you have the most amazing prologue to your story? What is an amazing prologue when it has a cliffhanger for an ending? It doesn’t matter if your friends think you are the most amazing couple, or the fairytale come true couple…it doesn’t matter…when you are not happy. They do not know what you know. They do not feel what you feel.

There are so many lessons and realizations…and so much time to take them all in. See? Time is not our enemy in the chapter of love. It could have sub-chapters and sub-chapter-chapters. (if there is such a thing) The important thing is that we have to be awake! We need to be smart enough, reasonable enough to understand that challenges do not exist to break us. Instead, they exist to teach us.  I have wrestled with so many ugly challenges in my life when it comes to love. Sometimes I rise victorious, at times it’s a draw, and there are times when I break down and let it beat me up. But despite all that, I know I’m always the winner because my heart and mind continues to run and jump and fly. And after everything has been said, I finally have a story to tell. It isn’t special. It isn’t a fairytale. It won’t leave you speechless. It’s not tragic, jaw-dropping, or utterly mind-blowing, but it’s mine. He is mine. He is everything I learned I wanted. This is the kind of story I would rather keep for myself… my own little secret.

I hope that when you read this, you will see triumph in failures, success in disappointments. Take it all in and always look on the brighter side. Learn, learn, learn! Create your own story from what you have learned. Don’t be passive, you have to start taking charge! Tell yourself that someday, somehow, you will find that story for your grand-kids. It could be the most boring one! But it is YOURS. And they will like it because it’s real.

 

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Alone with My Thoughts

In the absence of rationality we depend on emotions. But emotions are triggered by a variety of things, one of which are hormones that could be manipulated in so many ways; however, tonight,  in my most vulnerable moment I speak my mind; without hesitation or doubt. I will cease to question the thoughts in my head; I will give life to them and as these words conquer me, I will not feel any shame. Because I know that one way or another, I am lightening my load, leaving my baggage, one by one. And so… I write.

I wish time was not a factor. I wish there was no such thing as too soon. I wish I could just forgive and forget the past; that it could be just you and me. I wish we weren’t so frustrated or distracted. I wish a year felt like 2 days; at least the thrill would remain alive. I wish you’re the one, like I always do each time, but this time, it’s going to be true…I can feel it. I want you. Yes, I think I do. Do you know how much? I have no idea. all I know is that there is something in this, and I think I’m into it. Are you ready? I’m not…but what the hell…let’s dive.

Don’t think too much, just let it happen. We are bound to make a million mistakes and find the things that are worth those mistakes. I have made so many, so many I can’t even remember all of them. Maybe it is about time I collect my due. Let it be happiness, and content, let it be anything but just the material things this world seems to sustain on. I want something pure in my life again, something spontaneous, impulsive! Enough about yesterdays, I have learned to treat every now as important and the people I meet significant in my life. Everything happens for a reason, so there is a reason for this night, for this feeling, for you, for me. Reason is not what we really need, think deeper, deeper.. beyond your mind, to your passions. I used to know what it was like to be free, I somehow miss it. I want to do it with you…Because I know I will be safe. You make me feel secure. I don’t know if I like not knowing…but right now, it just feels so damn good.

Please Don’t…

If you ask why I love you and find that words escape me, please don’t be saddened by my silence. When you see me staring at you, hesitant to open my mouth; please don’t doubt me. If by chance you hear that I simply walked away when asked why I feel the way I do for you, please don’t be disappointed. When I’m alone and crying; please don’t think I have given up. When you find me moving on with life; please don’t think I have forgotten you.

Please don’t…

Because with every breath I take and with every beat of my heart I am thankful that you are in my life. No amount of words can validate this feeling.

As soon as I try to open my mouth so I can tell you what you are to me, an overwhelming sensation prevents me to continue because my mind ceases to think. I know that no one else can grasp how fulfilling it is to be loved by you.

As my eyes linger, I weaken…and at times, that weakness turns to fear. I am terrified that all of this is temporary; like numerous things in my life. But I have faith.

Along with every drop of tear I shed, my faith strengthens and it will carry me through; making time grow smaller; small enough to be insignificant.

I move as life moves and I patiently wait for distance to diminish. Each day that passes brings me closer to the truth…and happiness; a happiness that I hope is you.

Have you ever wished you could read a guy’s mind? Check out GuySpeak: Let Real Men Answer Your Questions!

GuySpeak – Ask real men questions about anything and get real answers….

I know that every man is confused about women. They don’t know how our mind works. But there are more than enough resources to refer to so you can figure us out. But women, on the other hand, are equally frustrated when it comes to reading guys. What goes on inside that head of yours? I’ve always wondered how guys think in different situations, especially when it comes to relationships or dating. There were times I fervently wished I could read minds just to make my life easier. But there were no go-to resources when it came to guy problems. Most of the time I end up bitching about it with my friends who share the same sentiments.

So when I came across this link, I felt a tinge of relief and excitement. Browsing through the site I read so many questions…and answers; from silly to downright provocative and the best part is…real men answer them; not only that, the site offers different POVs. There is the funny guy, reformed player, smart-ass, geek, etc. So I decided to share this to all the women out there who are confused, angry, or frustrated about their man, crush, or guy they are dating.

Use it wisely ladies. Don’t be afraid to ask because trust me…you will be answered!

10 Ways to Make a Long Distance Relationship work

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When I was younger I thought I could never, ever be in a long-distance relationship. I always thought it was pointless, doomed, dead on arrival. Maybe because I didn’t know if I was capable of trusting someone to that extent, or I felt that I needed my partner to be physically present most, if not all the time. I’m sure  I had several different reasons to point out back then; however, I guess I should tip my hat off to those that said:

You won’t know until you meet the right person;

because you really wont! Now, I am officially an LDR chic. I can’t say it’s peaches and cream; it takes a lot of sacrifice and effort for both parties. At times, you will arrive at a few breaking points. It will be tough. You will cry your eyes out and you might want to give up. But when you come out of it alive and still holding on, it will make you and the relationship stronger. You just might have built a fortress of a foundation for your relationship. If you are just like me and you have questioned yourself:

How long can I keep doing this?  Will this last?

Then I suggest you read on. There are different ways to make it work and last. These are the top 10 I have come up with based on research and of course my own experiences.

  • Keep in touch daily.

Communication is important in any kind of relationship. Most people say it is the key to making it work. I definitely agree! For LDRs, it’s very…I repeat, very important that you keep in touch every day. Not once a week, three-times a week, or every other day. I mean every single day. You don’t have to talk for hours, or every minute; that’s not practical. In fact, that might become a nuisance rather than a therapy. Just make sure you make an effort to talk to one another at some point of your day. This allows you to be up to date with what both of you are doing and it will give both of you a sense that even though you are apart, you are still aware of each other’s activities and relative presence.

  • Keep your partner informed about your life.

Share information about your activities. This is a good conversation starter especially at the end of the day when you are both at home. You can talk about how good or bad your day went. This will also make yourselves aware of the new people, places, or events around your partner. Don’t forget that it’s not just about you. Even if you would like to vent, learn to listen because both of you are important.

  • Listen to your partner’s concerns and communicate your own.

When things get a little complicated because of a fight or a misunderstanding, it’s hard enough for couples who are living in the same city; how much more for those that are miles apart? Your only options are talking on the phone or online; unless you are lucky enough to book a flight straight to your partner’s place. Anyway, the point is, it is a million times harder to settle conflicts in LDRs. So you need to adjust and train yourself to express yourself as well as to listen. This is NOT easy. Especially when emotions are at their peak. So it will also help that you allow yourself some time to calm down and think things through before talking it out. This way, you are both sane enough to talk without wanting to choke each other.

  • Keep the relationship a high priority.

It is very important that both of you are keeping the relationship a high priority because if you don’t, things might get out of hand; one or both of you might feel too relaxed and used to the situation that you forget to compensate for the distance. Avoid cancelling reunions or putting off a phone call. Focus on what needs to be done and take note of the little details.

  • Focus on the future.

Make plans to live in the same city eventually. This will verify that you’re moving forward and growing together and that all the efforts done were not a waste, but instead, stepping stones toward a future together.

  • Trust in one another.

Suspicions will only pull the relationship down. It is absolutely necessary to be honest and open-minded. If you have any reason to feel uncomfortable or suspicious, open up about it and don’t rush into conclusions. Remember, communication is the key to every relationship.

  • Avoid being controlling.

Sometimes, when we find ourselves insecure or conscious about the relationship we tend to control it. Lack of trust can also lead to this. Try to keep in mind that one of the advantages of being in a long distance relationship is the space you have for yourself. Use this to achieve your goals and plans in life. See your friends, have fun, live your life. Your life does not revolve around your partner alone. This will reduce the tendency of suffocating each other.

  • Have a healthy sense of humor.

LDR or not a healthy sense of humor is a healthy habit. Being able to laugh about anything or at each other’s silliness is a character of an open, accepting relationship. Don’t hesitate to laugh about petty arguments or silly mistakes. You will find that you will feel better.

  • Stay Positive.

Instead of thinking about the worst case scenario, think positive. Even if you are miles apart you are still looking at the same sky and breathing the same air. Nothing is impossible. So cheer up will ya!

  • Patience

Patience is a virtue. When you know that the person is worth the wait then it becomes easier to do. When you have a thriving relationship with your partner, sometimes, time simply flies. So don’t lose hope and think twice about giving up. Good things happen to those who wait.

Dating Notes From a Pissed off Woman!

Okay, So I have to admit I’ve had my share of dating disasters. I was reading some of my pseudo-journals and I came across an entry that totally made me LOL. It was about an experience I had with a certain guy that totally riled me up. But that is not the best part; while I was noticing the energy behind the scrolls and scribbles that clearly said “I am extremely frustrated while writing this” I realized the thing actually made sense! I couldn’t believe I wrote something like it…but hey, you do know what they say; Art imitates Life; and boy do I call this a PIECE OF ART!

There is a new breed of man in my world; and I think I shall call him “The Asshole In Disguise.” It’s the perfect title; the way he hides beneath a “nice guy” facade is incredibly impressive. His sporadic sweetness and thoughtfulness are his method of acquisition. His mysterious aura and aloof manner are his means of keeping women at arm’s length. As I sit and ponder about everything that has happened since the day I met him; I wonder: Which is worse, the obvious “I’m a jerk guy” or the subtle one? I believe it’s the latter. Compared to the last guy I dated, this one takes the prize. At least the previous one was “out there” and is quite aware of what he is. He’s upfront and pathetically predictable. Although he still tried to drop a few loads of crap here and there, he was easy to manage. I was pretty confident about labeling him as worthless and lacking substance. This recent spawn of male hybrid is the most frustrating. He doesn’t really do anything major enough to make you hate him. All he does are little insensitive, harsh gestures that leave me upset; but not enough to make me drop him. Then, he comes around doing a little of this and that, and poof…Hello again. They say shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice. OK, I guess that makes me a very shameful person, but here’s the thing; fucking cut off my head if he ever fools me the third time!

How many of these rotten men are there? I thought that if I were to classify them; the labels would probably include: losers, assholes, players, perverts, creeps, dirty old men, afraid-of-commitment guys, workaholics, and then…nice, decent guys! But I have realized that there’s a whole new category for this particular guy I dated. Isn’t it enough that I have lost hope in the male populace? That Mr. Big or Mr. Right might not exist? Now, I have to be wary of the “great-at-first-wait-till-later” men? I guess I only have myself to blame for believing he was any different from the habit I seem to find myself unable to break away from. Why do I attract the wrong men? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says “If we are not compatible, I’d fall for you?” Is it my taste or the fact that I like a guy too fast? Is there a standard rate for liking someone? Maybe I should drop the whole spontaneous spark and impulsive “I like you, let’s do this!” act. Because so far, It really hasn’t done me any good.

On the brighter side, I have a few reminders to add to my DATING NOTES.

First, they are great guys until they finally get what they’ve wanted from the beginning. I think it is genetically engineered in guys to be sadly superficial and instinctive. If I was a harsh woman I’d say they are no more than animals who follow their urges and refuse to confront logic and rationality when it comes to women or specifically…getting laid; but I’m not, so I will stick to men are just simpletons.

Second would be to dump the guy the second you realize he is a bad liar. Why? Well, if he was a good liar then you wouldn’t be able to sniff him out would you? In this case, you’ll just have to rely on your guts. If he was bad at lying, then it’s a whole different story. He is actually stupid enough to attempt giving you bullshit and then fail miserably; no he is not adorable that way. Not only does it reflect his shady character and poor mental capacity, it’s also, in some way insulting. I mean, does he really think you are so dense that you won’t be able to figure it out? Think about it and then tell me if you really are THAT stupid.

Third, If he has a lot of excuses, then go figure! I’ve always noticed that when a guy wants something from me; he’d be the sweetest, most accommodating, agreeable man in the world. But if you want something from him or if you just need attention, he’s suddenly too busy or he’s currently engaged in some important business matter. PLEASE! L-a-m-e! But shoot me now. I was too caught up to pause for a moment and digest that certain information.

Drop a guy who can’t say something straight. I hate beating around the bush! If he’s concerned about my feelings; Fuck my feelings dude, give me straight answers! I’m not  a child who’ll sulk and throw a fit if you tell me something I might not want to hear. And if he is doing it to play safe; store you on some shelf for when he needs you next, then girl, you better kick that boy’s ass straight to Pluto.

I am nobody’s toy so don’t play with me. I do things because I want to and nothing else. Never allow a man to think that he has you wrapped around his fingers. This is the new age! It’s the age of independent women. If having a man means you have to swallow your pride to make men feel better about themselves then who needs them? If he’s not the one feeding me; putting a roof above my head; buying my clothes, shoes, or whatever I want then what purpose does he serve? The new mindset is: USE HIM. In this world we live in; a girl desperately looking for love is naive and most-probably a soon-to-be broken hearted girl. Be practical. Think with your head and not with your heart; there’s a reason why it’s on top of the other. Sure love stories are all around us, but who would really know the real score? What counts are the experiences that you’ve had, the lessons you learned and how you apply those lessons in life. Don’t be the girl who keeps falling flat on her face.

Being single doesn’t mean you’re alone. It just means you’re not settling. You don’t need to force yourself to be in a relationship just to fill the emptiness when you go home at night and find that no one texts you good night, or wake up in the morning without anyone to kiss you good morning. You can’t feel sorry for yourself if no one special is constantly thinking about you. You don’t have to frustrate yourself with profiles of couples having their combined names at Facebook or that ever famous relationship status update that shouts: In a relationship with. These are not the reasons why you should be with someone. These are all shallow human wants and not needs. it’s society’s way of plaguing you with insignificant and unnecessary pressures.

Commitment is a big deal. So, don’t be surprised that everyone is terrified to be in one. It’s not like High School or college where you can be with someone just because…It’s the real world, haven’t you noticed? In the real world, you need to think before you feel. If you feel too much then you’ll end up being squashed and smashed into little pieces. Hold yourself together. You can never, ever be completely alone. You have friends, family, and you got yourself! Live for yourself and not for anybody else. Once you figure that out, getting over a date-gone-wrong will be easy as pie. Just like what my friend told me: “Dust him off and move on to the next one.” He might not be there tomorrow or the week after or the month after that. But hey, who’s in a hurry? You are a young woman, living your life to the fullest. How can you live if you are wallowing in your own misery? What’s the point? Let’s celebrate life…single life. It’s beautiful and free. And when you’re done with that, you can truly appreciate the moment you are with someone. You’ve played the games, you’ve put up with the chase. You have to think this way…it’s self preservation. So, as 2009 comes to an end; open your arms wide and welcome a new year; one that is brighter and more vibrant! Do this and you will definitely be alright.

Smoke

What is it about you

that draws me near?
Is it your half-closed eyes,
or your juvenile grins?

What feeling must I recognize
to know this is real?
Shall I love, care, hurt or fear?

What is it with my thoughts
that often carries you?
willing my eyes to close
so I might capture your face.
what power do you have over me
that the gust I feel is entwined
with your fingertips?

Soft caresses…fleeting kisses,
Everything is hushed and
my body comes alive.

I remember it all too well.
If I could only overlook these torments,
so my stranded person should recover
I would do so in a heartbeat.

But this heart,
fragile and cynical, have already
fallen victim to your tempest.

You are like smoke
beautiful, intense, but transient.
Slowly, surely vanishing as quickly as the flames ignited.
And if I dare to stroke or embrace it, it escapes.
And my empty hands shall seize the anguish from my soul.

You are my beautiful disaster.

Surely it is tragic, I scoff at the memory
when it all felt so light and giddy
but when my heart begins to hum a different tune,
the barriers, once more, take their spot.
And should I wish this wasn’t so?
I doubt…
For it’s the only way
this old, trampled heart can keep on beating.

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